心碎了

以下你所看到的都是废话。。如过不想看就把我的网站关掉。

心情不能平复下来。太多问题发生。这好像是我第一次在blog 上写华语。如果写的你不明白那没关系应为这不需要任何人去明白。我只是想要发射以下我的情绪。我没有心情去准备面对大考。。21 号就是我的大考第一天。我最经真的很伤心。。为了太多无聊的事情而忙。自己想到都觉得很傻。无条件而付出但这就是我所得到的。为什么我永远都是别人的最后一个选择而不会是某某人的第一个选择？难道我不是人吗? 这世界太残酷了。只是会让我看见一切我最不想面对的事情。我真的好累。能不能就这样放过我吗？我真的就快要疯了。难道连到我疯的那一天你都不能放过我？我不知道我在写什么废话。。如果不想看那就请你把我的网站关掉。我妈妈生病还没好，我真的很烦。这些问题几时才能够解决掉？ 我又要面对大考。你教我这样解决我的问题。然后又跟我爸爸吵架。妈海！我真的受不了了！平淡的日子几时回来？ 谁会明白我的感受？没有人。。一直以来都是我自己面对。说会陪我度过都不是我自己一个人。害怕一个人，寂寞一个人，什么都是一个人。。有谁真真能够站在我的立场看？白痴。。不会再有任何人能够给我那么一点点的安全感。。只是说说而已就有。。别说朋友或任何人。。连家人或亲友都不能。别再想什么安全感。。通通都是废话。我从经以后都不会靠任何人了不是我坚强。只不过没有一个靠得住。说什么安慰我的话都是逗我开心而已。全部都是骗人的。在我最需要你们的时候，你们不会在我身边。不是不在而是你们给我不够的关心。连我不开心或压力都没有人懂。算了吧！我不能怪别人。可能是我在你们的面前表现的没有事。怪就怪我太强了吧。对不起，我今天的心情不太好。如果得罪你们的话，我道歉。并不是每个人都是这样对我。。只是大部分的人给我的感觉就是这样。

我骂够了。我也忍够了。对不起。

Down For Now!

I am done with my English 2 paper! I know that my blog seems like it is already dead but I am trying my best to write new posts for it. Currently I am not in a very good situation. Facing too much problems and even as busy as a bee. I have to settle too much problems and my personal emotions. Its very shaky recently. I got depressed easily without any reason. It is not like no reason but just some sort of reasons. My mom is sick and I gotta take care of her. I am facing the UK papers very soon and I gotta study for it but I have no mood for these stuffs. My boss even give pressure on me. How can I ever not STRESS? If you guys thought that my work got me stressed up, you are wrong. If I am not working, I might not be able to gain so much experience and I may not have salaries for me to spend and it helped me to solved most of my problems. Giving piano lessons to the kids are not my major problem. I do not have the problems with the kids. There are still some circumstances that make me feel stress. I am absolutely tired, worn out, stressed, depressed and so on. Nothing really can describe my feelings for this moment. I hoped that everything will be back to normal ASAP. I had been begging Him for it but it seems like I am not sincere enough. I will try my best. Sorry, my mind wandered around a moment ago and I am not sure what I am trying to crap about. It might be due to the unsolved problem for 2 months plus. That really make me feel that way.

Well, forget about those rubbish up there. Did you wondered how was my English paper? It was freaking hard,man! I am not sure of what rubbish I crapped for the essay part and I screwed the comprehension part. It was so freaking hard. I do not even know kinda questions that they are trying to ask.. For example: "How did the author rephrase the main idea in the conclusion." It's my first time having such question in my exam paper. Yet, for now, I do not even want to bother over it now. It is over. All I could do is just to pray hard that this problem will be solved asap without worries. Hopefully everything will go back as usual. I just remembered. Today is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers on the Earth. May all of them be as healthy as always. To be very honest, I am not in any mood of saying or celebrating Mother's Day. It is because I am worried sick and I am using my actions to show how much I love my mom not by saying. 

Mom, I love you. I know I cannot do anything to help much but please get well soon! 

Ciaoz! See you when I am in a better mood, readers!

I am so sorry for showering my blog post with some kinda emo stuffs.
I will cheer up asap. :)